Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
