Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
