we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
