While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
