Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
