she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
