remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
