Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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