so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
