i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
