I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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