After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
