Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
