im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everclear isn't food dammit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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