Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
