a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My dick has a subreddit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
