I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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