They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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