This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize