Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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