Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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