Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
