So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
