Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize