Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
