ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
