I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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