A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
