Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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