playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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