I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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