Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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