32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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