That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
