Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize