Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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