Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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