I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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