I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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