Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
