I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
