Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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