I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
