I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
