batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize