I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she peed on how many people?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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