i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
