So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize