You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
