you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
