i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
