i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize