next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
