listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
