he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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