I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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