Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
