What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
