Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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