I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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