i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
