I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
