i think my mom watched the whole time
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
