He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
