In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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