I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize