I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
