No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
