so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize