u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
