there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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