You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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