just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
