so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
