finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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