You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
