apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
