So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize