just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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