I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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