Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
