just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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