i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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