JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize