Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
