my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What a dumb baby whore.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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