i need an iv and a liver transplant
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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