I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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