im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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