dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
