Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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