I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
