My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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