We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
