Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
