you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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