I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
