I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
