i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
