Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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