if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
