If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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