Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
