just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
