my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize