kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
