We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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