First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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